Not Me

what’s that?

there under your eyes?

you speak softly as to fool me into trusting

you hit rarely as not to leave a mark

what’s that?

there under my eyes?

it’s mistakes made

it’s wasted time on trying to fix the unfixable

it’s the words that hurt

the words you hide in compliments

what’s that?

there under my eyes?

you claim it’s the fallout from the makeup i don’t wear

the make up you discourage me from wearing

but you mean no harm

what’s that?

there under my eyes?

it’s lies

pent up anger

trauma

everything but happiness and peace

under my eyes

you learned what makes me tick

you found out what makes me crumble

you move cautiously as not to let me notice

you curse and tease and tell me it’s my fault

you tell me that none of this would have happened if i was just myself

you tell me i changed

you tell me you don’t like me anymore

you tell me to go

what’s that?

there under your eyes?

you ask once

polite but firm

my cheeks wet with tears

red with anger

my heart soar from your words

what’s that?

there under my eyes?

mistakes, time, words, fallout, lies, anger, trauma?

under my eyes are lessons

lessons to not trust too easily

to not forgive easily

to not forget

lessons to understand that it’s not always me