You're Pretty Awesome

 "Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?" -Danielle LaPorte

I was the girl who ran across the street to see if her friend was home. I would play for hours and time flew.

But as I grew, my friend did too and she moved away. I haven't seen her since we were 6.

I still find this to be true. My friends all seem to grow quicker than me and it is just a matter of time before I am not welcome anymore, but the old me wouldn't have thought that this was my fault... she would have gone onto the next friend.

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I was the girl who signed her autograph over and over again in her Hello Kitty notebook, dreaming of the day that she could do this in real life.

I actually still do this, in secret, and not in a notebook. Usually hidden in a tiny corner where no one can see... on papers that I should be working on in class.

I have yet to perfect it, but I have time.

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I was the girl who wore big bows and played piano and was scared of the dark and pretended that she was Hannah Montana and danced her heart out.

And somewhere along the way, I lost myself. Maybe it was school. Maybe it was friends. Maybe it was my irrational need to be liked by everyone I meet, or maybe it is just the pressure of growing up nowadays.

It's hard not to lose yourself when you are young and impressionable and craving to be liked. You stop doing things that others disapprove of or don’t understand. You’ll compromise yourself if it means you’ll be accepted. You’d sacrifice your soul just to be invited to hang out.

And at 16, I continue to struggle with it all. I know that I am still young, but my generation should not have to live in such a way that suddenly, the things you love don't seem to matter. Where all we care about is being liked and admired and all we want is to be seen.

I’ve spent a few years now trying to unbecome who the world told me I should be. Years spent trying to learn to love my body. Hours upon hours spent pursuing a passion that may not amount to anything career wise, but makes my heart feel alive. My heart feels most at home with a few select people and some good music. And finally, after these past couple of years, I’ve learned that this is okay. It’s more than okay actually, it’s preferred.

Because becoming who the world wants us to be is not going to bring us happiness. The things that bring true joy, the things that make us feel alive, are the things that have been there all along. They are the things that cause our heart to skip a beat, our mind to pause, and our soul to scream "yes, yes, let’s do THAT."

                                            Written by Smith