This one will be short and brief, but this is one of those things that I will someday look back at and get butterflies in my stomach from the memory of feeling so alive. In other words... this needs to be documented.
Today I woke up and I was really not feeling it. I had told vivian that I would go to church with her last night and so I knew that I needed to go because I didn't want to let her down, but I just really was not wanting to wake up and drive an hour down the road just to sing songs (I know... it sounds horrible, but it's important), but I drug myself out of bed and I put on a sweater and I left... and I had a good attitude about it.
I made it to church easily and walked in. My friends were not there yet, but one of the directors of HSM came up to me, Graham, and began to talk to me... not about God, or my faith, or where I went to church, but about me, about my family, my school, my friends at HSM... and he felt like a friend, like someone who truly cared about my comfortability... not someone who was forcing me to be there because it was "the right thing to do on a Sunday morning"... he truly cared... and that's a good thing.
As the service went on, we worshipped for a little bit and then we listened to the sermon. If I'm being completely honest I struggled listening to it because I had no connection whatsoever to what he was talking about. Listening to God. A tough subject when you are only just beginning to talk to God like a friend and not some higher power. I just remember thinking, "Smith, there is nothing wrong with you that you've never heard God talk back. You've only just started listening for him.", but he's been talking back this whole time... I just haven't been looking in the right places. Toward the end of the service we sang a song... not sure what it's called, but at the end it repeated, "Make my heart believe" and for some reason it stuck to me. That is what I long for... make me believe.
So I left and I took Vivian home. I asked her for a few of her favorite worship songs and whenever she got out of the car I immediately turned my worship playlist on (which I never do). I made it about half way down the toll road and "How Great Thou Art" started to play and without any particular reason tears began to pour out of my eyes because I finally see everything that was made for us. The trees, the people, the music, the sky and I was in love. My heart was restored and I see it now. I see how God intended for us to look at the precious world that he created, through rose-colored glasses.
Notice what all was made for you...
Written by Smith
How Great Thou Art- Chris Rice
Build My Life- Housefires
In Christ Alone- Kings Kaleidoscope